All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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