I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
