i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
