i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
