Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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