dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize