and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
