i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
