He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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