Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
