I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
