Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
