Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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