my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
