We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize