I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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