i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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