If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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