Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
