Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
im six kinds of drunk right now
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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