My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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