i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
