New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
