just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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