I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
