On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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