i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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