I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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