I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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