the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
