I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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