I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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