i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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