I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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