Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
