Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
