if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize