So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
