whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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