I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
