Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
