I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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