They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
