happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
