apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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