The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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