There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
