just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
