there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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