so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
