Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
