Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
