i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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