He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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