i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
