hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
