Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
