Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
no, he came in my armpit
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
