So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize