dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
