It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
