HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
either way he was missing a nipple.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
