I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
