Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
