Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize