i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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