I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
