Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
