I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
