i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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