My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
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