i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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