mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
