Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
