Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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